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Wednesday 24 October 2018

Show not tell

W.A.L.T... Use Show not tell

Over the past two weeks room six has been learning to use show not tell in out writing. This task was to choose an emotion that we have felt and portray it in a piece of writing. While doing this I enjoyed trying to use descriptive language to enhance my writings effectiveness. Next time I will try and get to the point faster. I think I can improve on my sentence structure . Can you tell what emotion I was describing ?
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I sink down into the arctic concrete beneath me. People say I became as tiny as a mouse almost as if I had completely disappeared. That’s what it felt like. The diminishing comments of my fellow peers became aware to me. I laughed along with them but my voice began to break. I couldn't feel anything except for the sweat along my forehead and the scorching sun beaming down on me. I can smell a smoldering tree almost directly underneath my nose and two copper coils inside my mouth I begin choking on them unable to grasp a hold on my breath. A tear begins to glide down my cheek , I swiftly wipe it away hoping nobody saw.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Nikita,
    Great Job On Using Show Not Tell! I Like the Way Your Sentences are Very Detailed and Interesting. I Think That Your Feeling Is Embarrassed. Next Time Maybe You Could Fix Up a Few Errors Like Spelling. I Look Forward to See More Work From You Nikita.
    From, Alex.

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